Clunky is Fugly

Updated: Dec 9, 2019

I can’t be the only one to notice this trend of wearing the clunkiest and ugliest shoes ever on your feet, am I? It seems that women these days are competing amongst themselves over who can wear the biggest shoes on their feet while still being able to walk normally. They have only gotten bigger and soon they will be walking around with full blown boats on their fucking feet. And men are doing it too, like whoever thought that they would look good in nurse’s shoes was dumb and it’s even more dumb that it caught on.

It started with the Nike Air Force 1. White ones specifically. Not the clunkiest of shoes per se but it is one that is clunkier than normal. Now wherever you turn you can catch a guy or girl walking in a pair of white Air Force 1’s. This isn’t that much of a problem though as they are still a plain yet somewhat stylish shoe. Over-worn yes, but they do rank low on the clunky metre.

The next trend that caught on were the Fila Disruptors. These take the cake for the ugliest fucking shoes to ever walk this earth. Pun intended. These shoes beg the question of, “how did these atrocities catch on?” I don’t understand. They don’t make you look hipster. They don’t make you look edgy. They make you look like a fucking nurse. Go buy some hiking boots. Stop trying to make something that is so obviously uncool, cool. You look uncomfortable and you cant walk right. People hear you coming from miles of way. Hang them up, burn them, donate them, I don’t care what you do with them, just stop wearing them.

The blame of the whole trend of clunky shoes becoming popular I think can be placed on Balenciaga Triple S’. Celebrities started wearing them because they have a price tag upward of $1000. Now they’re a status symbol. And guess what. Just like every other shoe that clears 6lbs each, they’re not only ugly but they’re fugly. They don’t look good, whatever way you cut it. A person would look better and would get more functionality out of their feet if they wore a Honda Civic on each, which are a considerable amount smaller.

And then there is the oddballs that aren’t name brand yet still get the job done. There are countless other brands that look like they put a pair of white hiking boots on jagged platform bottoms. Or the other classic style of shoes that look like they’re glued on top of another two pairs of soles for the ultimate level of clunkiness.

In the end, it just doesn’t make sense. That’s the overall message of this. It just doesn’t make sense. When did sleek and stylish footwear go out of style, only to be replaced with fugly and clunky. And when did it become cool for cults to arise that seem to idolize the ugliest shit you could wear. If you’re reading this and look down and cant make out the shape of your foot in your shoe, you are part of the problem. I strongly urge you to take care of that problem. And if you think that they are cool, they’re simply not. Wear something different, not something different that is ugly AND a million other people are wearing for the same purpose of trying to stand out, because you don’t. You’re just wearing ugly fucking shoes. That’s the end of that story.