The IPA Epidemic

Over the past 10 years or so there is one industry that has been on the rise in Canada. No, not legal weed but none other than craft beer. This is incredibly troubling because if you didn’t know, it tastes like absolute garbage. More specifically, IPA’s are growing incredibly popular and for what reason? The answer evades and confuses me everyday.

The craft beer industry is one that is booming these days. Customers are quick to order anything other than the classics and bars sell themselves on their selection of rotating taps of what’s comparable to homemade beer. I can get behind the lagers and the ales but it is when we shift over to the IPA’s that are seemingly loved by the masses is where I start to have an issue with the industry.

The thing about craft IPA’s is they all taste pretty much the same and is comparable to drinking something super bitter and then getting punched in the mouth. What I’m trying to say is that it is just an ultra-unflavourful, incredibly unappealing, bitter mouthful of old bread. If that doesn’t paint you a picture, go buy one and see for yourself.

Whoever made the first craft IPA should be put to trial. Because he opened the gates for other brewers to have this unspoken competition of who can make the hoppiest beer. I don’t even know what hops are. I just know that craft IPA’s have too many of them.

And I’m a Nova Scotian, I grew up drinking dirty ol’ east coast India Pale Ale’s like the “Pride of Nova Scotia”, Alexander Keith’s. But these new craft spinoffs are a whole other breed. They taste like medicine made out of yeast and sourdough. At least Keith’s has the decency to make it taste better, something all of you craft brewers should take into consideration.

Also, the stigma around IPA’s that they’re actually good needs to change. Folks, if we all come together and say they don’t taste good, they’ll stop being made and we can all stop drinking them. They don’t make you cool. They don’t make you hip. They don’t make it seem like you’re super knowledgeable in the craft beer industry which is something that should be avoided because, well, you look like a tool bud. Buy real beer, yours tastes like garbage juice. IPA’s also make you a liar because there is no way that stuff can taste good to you.

Whoever started this cult should be singled out and get a good nut punch or the death penalty. Either works. The people who jumped on the bandwagon should get lesser sentences but they should still know they’re in the wrong for their open support. I’m open to suggestions on how to combat this problem but feel strongly that it is one that needs to be addressed sooner than later. So, traditionalist alike, lets join together and fight back against the craft beer market and boycott IPA’s! Pros to this movement are; less shitty beer in the world and less beer dicks with stupid brewery hats and flannels. Cons include; nothing. This crusade is one that needs to be fought. Rally together troops.